Mouth Noise Homicide
When I was 11 years old, I threw a ceramic bowl of oatmeal squarely and surely at my brother's head. There is still a round dent in the wall of my mom's dining room.
To this day, I do not feel an ounce of remorse or accountability. You see, my brother made squishy noises when he ate oatmeal and Mouth Noises make me certifiably insane.
In no way have I been prepared to deal with a squish, crunch, slurp or smack.
Sweet baby jesus forbid somebody from eating with their mouth open in my presence. I would surely turn homicidal.
Here's the question of the day:
If somebody chews with their mouth open in my presence, is it rude of me to ask, "Would you please try chewing with your mouth closed?" (Especially if it prevented me from ripping their face off?)
3 comments:
Depends how well you know them. If they are family or a good friend, then no problem. If they are an acquaintance or a business associate, think twice. If they are at the next table at Applebees, then probably keep your own mouth shut........
OMG! This freaking morning I had this exact interior monologue:
"Yuck. He's slurping his cereal.
When did that start?
I've never noticed it before. Totally gross.
Should I say something? No, he'll get mad.
Oh god, even if he has been doing it all along I hadn't noticed but now I'm going to notice it every morning!"
Let me know when you come up with an answer.
It's been a while since I've read the superpages. A few comments:
One: next time I see you, I will definitely not treat you any differently for having read your confession. However, the next time you come over, don't be afraid of the monster in the upstairs front bedroom! I'm just kidding. It's Hunglish, he's only part monster.
B: thanks for the confidence booster about the move.
Finally: I CAN NOT STAND PEOPLE CHEWING WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes me fill with fire and rage. It is not helping the fact that the person I am currently seeing does this seemingly all the time. I think it wasn't until a few meals together into the whole thing that I noticed it, and now (like Brunch Bird), I can not focus on anything else when dining. I think "chewing with the mouth half-open is OK, right?" or "maybe I was just hearing things" and then crunchslopchewslurp.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
So after you posted that, besides the other two responses, do you have any suggestions for how to deal with this, when I have kept a "closed-mouth" about this with this person for waaaaay too long?????
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