Hope I die before I get old...!

An open letter to those who said I would hurt the worst on Day Three after my chariot crash.


Dear People Who Told Me So,

Fucking ouch. You were right.

Sincerely,

Super


If this is what it feels like to be old, I am going to hire a hit man for myself ASAP. I've always said "At the first sign of craziness, senility, menopause, or fat that just won't go away, I will be plunking down the cashola for a nice sweet killer to take me down swiftly". Sometime around 35, I'm guessing. However, the way 2007 is shaping up, I ought to be a little pile of ashes around October.

Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match...

This is probably none of my business, but I'm going there anyhow. Besides, I won't be seeing either of these people for quite awhile so I'm safely out of harm's way and only at email and phone distance.

Dear Could & Should,
I would like to know why the two of you have not gotten together. It makes no sense to me because you are so good together. There is obvious chemistry between you and it is not worth trying to deny.
I'm sure you could give me a list of reasons why, but if it is anything along the lines of religion or ethnicity the suck it up and get over yourselves. I've got "Happy Chrismahaunakwanzica" napkins you can borrow. And thinking long-term like with children, pull a Madonna Jolie-Pitt and adopt a kid from Africa who will want to worship a cow upon his 14th birthday anyway. Problem solved.
What I'm trying to say is, if The Mister and I can get past our inherent differences, you can, too. Of course, I'm making HUGE assumptions as to WHY you aren't together. Most importantly, if you can get past it, the people who love you as individuals will follow suit.
Have a wonderful day and call each other!
Super