Gonna ramble on, sing my song...
In the past month, I have begun a new job, gone out of town three times, started jury duty (who knows how long this might persist?) and took a final exam in my wine class. This is why my blogging has been a bit on the spotty side.
*Before I go on, let me thank all of you who scoffed at my class. Alright, maybe it was just one person who scoffed aloud and to my face, but you know who you are. You are a jerk and the class was difficult even if I did "only take it for fun". Screw you and your little dog, too. No, it was not just "standing around drinking wines"; it was biology, geography and freakin' chemical composition.
Piss up a rope, jackass.*
My apartment is a disaster and although I want to blame it on the craziness of the life that surrounds me, I really can not truly blame anyone save for myself. There is so much to do by way of dishes, cleaning the refrigerator and the stove, vacuuming and dusting everything, scrubbing all that is left, and changing the shower curtain. This final task is daunting as I am a shortie who may or may not have fallen into the tub and bruised my entire left side the last time it was attempted. You could argue that I leave the curtain currently hanging, however, it is a Spring/Summer curtain and I have a lovely Fall/Winter curtain who's time has approached. Besides, I like the other one better despite the season.
In the meantime, The Mister has been having long, difficult days at work. I try my best to make things comfortable and easy on him, but with all that I have had going on, I fell off the wagon a bit. I've tried, but it really is hard to comfort somebody else when you, yourself, need a little comforting. It hurt me deeply on my first full day of work being turned loose in the studio with nobody else there, when I was anxious and nervous, he did not wish me "Good luck" or even acknowledge what I was about to do. It is true he was up to his eyeballs in a stressful week of work, but it hurt nonetheless.
(Before anybody thinks anything badly of The Mister, please know this is an extremely rare showing. The Mister is The. Best. Ever. and I absolutely adore him. He's never really dropped the ball like this before, but if he wanted to make it up to me with gifts (shiny ones, of course) I would not be upset. We all make mistakes and if this is the worst I can think of, then I am the luckiest girl in the world. Well, I think that anyway, but you know what I mean.)
The whole thing made me think of what people must think of my life: Easy, smooth sailing, fun, etc. In many ways, those things are very true and I do not take it for granted. I get up early, write everyday, keep life tidy and I set my own schedule. Originally, when I set out writing, I had my designs on being published. Now that I have a complete work (well, mostly complete... I keep adding and revising and scrapping), I do not think I want to attempt publication. Personally, the Doing It was the important part. There is also the fact I do not think my work is good enough! And I write that with a giggle because I think it's funny in an ironic sort of way. Y'know... look at all this time I've wasted... Frankly, I haven't found it to be wasteful because it has given me the time to look inside My Self and also to cultivate a great marriage with The Mister. At first I had tried to work on my relationship with his family, but I gave up on that endeavor. Fucking impossible, people. I will never be what they had envisioned and they can kiss my patoot if that isn't good enough. The Mister is happy; what more could they want? If it means I stay home or just work part-time to keep things in balance, then this is what I should do.
Gah!! Here I was going to keep this short because I've got a bazillion things to clean and I've rambled on and somehow started bitching about my mother-in-law again. Go figure.
Have a spectacular day and enjoy the sunshiny warmth while it lasts! (approximately two days according to Bob Ryan)
