Rise over Run, mofo!

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and must have forgotten to publish the fucker!
Have at it, dear readers...

I have little feet. That's not to say there is a semi-known classic rock band hanging out in my backyard; the statement illustrates the tiny-ness of my tootsies.
I wear a women's size five shoe or a kids size four. The children's section is a cheap girl's haven and the downward spiral of little girls dressing like hookers has opened up my options even more.
Today, my feet are in shambles. I went in for my jury duty wearing 2 1/2 inch heels. Of course, my outfit said "Super hot!", but after traipsing around downtown, my feet look like remnants of war. Truth be told, I don't know what they look like because I am afraid to take off my socks.
If we really want to break down the issue at hand, it is simply to say manufactures should think first before making size 5 shoes with 2 1/2 inch heels. Have they never taken Algebra? It is ridiculous to think I (or any other tiny-footed woman, or tiny-footed-free-thinking man, I suppose) could actually walk in anything bigger.
Of course, I take full responsibility for wearing heels to jury duty, HOWEVER, in my defense, yesterday was spent firmly on my ass in the juror's lounge. Today we were given 1 hour and 45 minutes for lunch so I decided to take the metro to Union Station and do a little shopping. Shopping is not my forte' but I have a wedding in a couple of weeks for which I would like to look -excuse me- fucking hot as all get out.
So I tromped all over Union Station (for those who don't know, it's not just an Amtrak Station and a Metro Station, it is also a mall) looking for hotness.
My poor little feet are so mad at me. They are still socked and asking, "Why, why, why? You've never treated us this way before, do you hate us?" And I can look at them lovingly, "I'm so sorry my little trotters! I had no idea those bad shoes were capable of such atrocities. Please, forgive me!!"
Mama needs champagne to dull the pain. "Cham" must mean "dull"... strange the instructor never mentioned that in my wine class...