Queen Weenie

A friend of mine recommended I read the book "Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs" by Chuck Klosterman. It's a great series of articles analysing pop culture.
Personally, the short on how Lloyd Dobbler ruined everything for men because all women truly want is "Lloyd" is wonderful and hilarious. No other man will ever match up to the guy from 'Say Anything' holding up a boom box outside your bedroom window.
Klosterman writes that we are a degenerate generation because of 'The Empire Strikes Back' --and seriously, as impressionable children, were we really expected to recover from the disappointment?
My favorite is his article about "Paradise City" -a Guns-N-Roses tribute band (not to be confused with a cover band, of course).
All in all, I loved this book.
Until Chapter 15: This Is Zodiac Speaking. The chapter is all about Klosterman's obsession with serial killers.
Any person who knows me would have not told me of this book based on that one chapter. I am a Weenie. I own that title. I am terrified of the dark, Law & Order, bathtub curtains pulled closed, and serial killers. That's just who I am.
For all my friends recommending books, movies or drugs that might lead to scary situations, just don't do it.
Some people know of my Weenie-ness... and they'll even censor things that probably don't need to be censored. "I don't know if you should borrow 'The Incredibles' -there's some violence." They're cartoons. I can live with that. Violence doesn't really scare me depending on how that violence happens. If somebody accidentally falls off an overpass and goes splat! on the pavement, I'm okay with that. If it wasn't an accident and the free-faller was pushed by -let's say... a maniacal killer with a great smile, I'm so very not okay with that.
That leads me to "Law & Order" -or as we know it in my apartment "The Show The Mister Won't Let Me Watch Anymore" (TSTMWLMWA). It's just too freakin' real!! That shit could happen and it could happen to me!! Therefore, after finding me curled up on the couch, unable to put my feet on the ground or go into the bathroom where the shower curtain was closed and hiding god only knows, The Mister has forbidden me from watching TSTMWLMWA. Especially after the time he found me and I'd had to pee for hours.
Back to the book. I thought we were friends; this person who suggested it. I think you need to be more sensitive to my Weenie-ness. I'll even help you: if there is ever a mention of serial freakin' killers, just don't mention it.
Please. I love you, and I'm just asking for a little sympathy. It would probably help The Mister get more sleep too.
I'm just sayin'...